Sunday, August 28, 2011

Better Off Alone


Well, I have decided to take a step back from dating. I just cant win in that area of my life it seems. I kinda have a crush on a few people. One told me he is not emotionaly available, The other I dont think knows I even really am here. And the Final one... Well his girlfriend waited for him.... I guess... I know it may be selfish but I think maybe its time I just focus on me. Not having a guy in the mix of things... Even when i say that it never really happens that way... But who knows maybe this time will be different. There are many females that never seem to find the one in this life. There is a sweet lady in my family ward, Sheri Dew, There are many great women who of no fault of their own never get married and have kids... and maybe thats what will happen to me... Its not what I want and I know I am still young... But who really knows right... I guess really maybe I should give my self a year... to Just me. a Self journey.... I wonder where it will take me.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Huh...


So I start a new diet tomorrow. I am doing the Jenny Craig diet... I am nervous. I know its kinda strange but I have always been bigger then most people. I really think this is going to work.... but I guess its going to a future unknown. I dont think I will be any different... Or at least i would hope so. But who ever really knows. We will see what happens. I am posting a picture of me now. I am starting out at 278.4 lbs.... yes I know its crazy but thats really how much a weigh so dont pretend like i look better. Well here I go. I am the one in the Blue.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Lie of My Love

Sometimes I go back to that day
It seems so long ago
You already had your mind made up
you knew what you wanted to do
I guess it comes easy when you would rather it not.

Chorus
I wish I could be like you
I wish I could forget like you did
To be able to move on so fast like you did
Teach me to be like you
Teach me to forget like you do

I see you with her, your smile so big
Its hard not to wish that was mine
That look you used to give me
That look that now belongs to her
How was I so blind? How did I not see you leaving?
In my dreams your still mine.

Chorus
I wish I could be like you
I wish I could forget like you did
To be able to move on so fast like you did
Teach me to be like you
Teach me to forget like you do

I will try to keep my feeling hidden
Behind my smile my heart breaks into a million pieces
Why cant I be happy like you seem
Can you see my heart breaking?

Chorus
I wish I could be like you
I wish I could forget like you did
To be able to move on so fast like you did
Teach me to be like you
Teach me to forget like you do

But until that day comes when my heart can finally forget
I will always love you



Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Hardest things are worth it.... Right?


I have realized that some of the hardest things to do in life always end up being the most important... As adults we have to make up our minds about so many big things. Things like, should I go to college? and if so What college should I go to? and then What major should I do? should I do a 2 or 4 year program? and then there is other things like, Should I work? if so Where? Should I be full time or part time? Then you got to start thinking if your working are you doing to date? and what kind of people should I be dating? What if I were to date a friend?

There are so many questions in life... Sometimes its just hard to be young... some people get stuck there for ages because they don't want to grow up... Then there are those people who don't let them self be young and have any fun. Those people who feel like they have to make all those choices today... those people who rush into things without thinking... Its hard to figure out what of those 2 are better...

Its been a really hard year for me this past year. I have gone so back and forth between the two. I cant tell if I want to be young and play hard, Or if maybe I want to just be grown up... I always seem to know what I should do... but what I want to do always seems so different then what I should do... I don't know who to trust anymore, who I should let in, who I can tell my secrets to.... It always seems those people I start to trust leave me more broken then I was before. Sometimes I wonder if Love is worth fighting for, or if we are just better off alone in this game called love... Would we be hurt anymore or less if we were to just take our selves out of the game. I keep saying I will keep pushing forward... But really what good would it do. Is it all going to pay off one day... everyone says it will, but really what do they know... When they already have their Fairytale come true. Can they even say that then know its worth it to stay in the game?