Its coming up on a year since the last time I posted... and I know its not like anyone really reads my posts anyways but this is really just where I can get all my thoughts out. And if anyone happens to want to know what is really on my mind I dont sugar coat things here. I tell just what is on my mind. I have grown so much within the last year. I used to think I was all mature... and I was for my age I am sure. I am starting to realize how much that really does suck. At a young age I was expected to deal with things way outside my maturity level. I had to grow up fast and there really was nothing I could really do about any of it. I feel like part of me has missed out on that fun part of life. The party stage or whatever you would want to call it. I feel like a stick in the mud on most days since I head home after an 8 hour shift, and I clean and do the things I need to and head to sleep. I think that is one reason I tend to like these guys who are still boys at heart. They liven up my life. To bad most those guys are still in their "party" stage and are really not looking for a real relationship. Well I was talking to someone the other day and he said something that I have been thinking lots about. Risk, I dont risk a lot in my life. I feel like I dont have enough in my life to risk losing any of it. Isnt that really what risk is all about though? You put everything you have on the table and there is a chance you will only get half of everything back.... Its possible that you will lose everything.... or in the rare case for me you may make out with more then you started with. I feel like there is something in my life telling me its time to start playing. Life is to short to not take those risks. I worry I will fall on my face.... but what else could you do? We dont know where we will end up in life. What would have happen if at that time we did risk that one thing. What would have happen if you never risked it. There are so many things in life that will always be a mystery. Is it worth it to always wonder what if?